2:50 – The old lady down the car leans her head out of her room and asks me if they have started serving the free wine and cheese yet.
3:00 – They announce that free wine and cheese is now being served in the lounge car. Stampede of old people toward the lounge car begins in earnest.
3:05 – I arrive in the lounge car to what looks like a pack of jackals fighting over an antelope carcass.
3:06 – I go downstairs to the bar for a Sam Adams. (The first of many.)
3:25 - My son Dylan calls me and says, “Dad, we have a major dilemma. Shingles are blowing off of our house.” “Dylan, I am on a train in Florida!” Frantic phone calls ensue. (All is well.)
5:00 – Our call for dinner. You have a choice of the 5:00, 7:00 and 9:00 dinner times. My parents of course choose the earliest one, which means after dinner I am going to have about five hours to kill.
5:03 – We arrive at the dining car and are served salad, dinner and dessert in about twenty efficient minutes.
6:15 – I am back in the lounge car drinking Sam Adams and reading Rolling Stone. Turns out Pete Townshend just sold his all of his publishing for an estimated $30-$50 million. Not a bad gig if you can get it.
7:10 – Two cute blondes sit down at my booth to watch a Dolphin movie. (Not sure which one, the dolphins may or may not have been talking.)
7:15 – The cute blondes mom tells them they have to go and get their pajamas on.
8:00 – I head downstairs to a little slice of heaven known as the smoking lounge. I smoke a cigarette but feel (and smell like) I smoked a pack since it is like smoking with three other people in the middle of a group hug inside a phone booth.
8:05 – 9:00 – I drink more Sam Adams.
|My coffin (strap array on the right)|
9:45 – As my dad goes to sleep he says, “Be careful you don’t fall out of that sonofabitch, you’re liable to strangle yourself in those straps.” Thanks, dad, you sleep well too.
10:00 – 6:00AM – I spend a fitful night being jostled around in my crypt while worrying about death by hanging.
8:00 – We arrive in Lorton, Virginia, retrieve the car and drive home.
Mostly, I ask my kids to put away their laundry and take out the garbage. Mine just asked me to come to Florida. Not a bad gig if you can get it.