Insane Religious News Of The Week

I observed two confounding and equally ludicrous religious events this week. And as usually occurs to me as I bear witness to such things, I find myself more amazed at the folks who buy into these shenanigans than the actual source itself.


First, Harold Camping’s rapture, or as I like to call it, “Real World – Heaven” seemed to be complete bullshit. More striking than there being no divine lift off of saved souls, however, was that so many people had such devout hope that this would happen, they gave away their possessions and awaited the witching hour with more anticipation than Arnold waiting for Maria to run to the grocery store.

When a rapture (which I long thought was just a Blondie song) is second fiddle to the real religious news of the week, you can be assured we are walking on shaky celestial ground.

This week, the United Stated Conference of Catholic Bishops released a 140+ page report that largely blamed the pedophilia amongst some of its priests on the sexual revolution of the fifties and sixties.

“That’s it,” the Bishop exclaimed! “It’s not our fault after all!”

Harold Camping has more clout. He certainly has a better PR team. Who is crazier, I ask, the people who cashed in their 401(k) for Camping or the Catholic Bishops who thought this report had any redeeming value?

Back in my “going to confession days”, I never once remember telling a priest, “Yes, Father, I was disrespectful to my parents. But it wasn’t really my fault. I just read No One Hear Gets Out Alive, the Doors biography, and Jim Morrison was a real malcontent. So I figured, what the hell, I might as well be one too.”

It never worked that way. But the Catholic Church is proving that it never let responsibility get in the way of covering their ass.

At no charge, I could have written the real report.

“Dear Flock, we lost our way. Over the past decades, we employed pedophiles. These scumbags preyed on the most innocent amongst us, our children. Nothing can undo that damage. Worse yet, is that instead of assisting authorities in any investigation, we became complicit to these crimes by turning these criminals loose on other children in other parishes. There is no excuse. We have failed in unimaginable ways. Starting today, we have invited law enforcement into our ranks and have opened our doors to prosecutors. Our goal is to root out and bring to justice these pedophiles.”

I could be wrong, but it sounds better than blaming Jim Morrison.