Free and Unsolicited Reproductive Advice

Typical conversation:

Interested Party: “So, do you have kids?”
Me: “Yeah, I have twin boys.”
IP: “Oh. Do twins run in either of your families?”

I can see that question coming like crows to road kill. I almost hesitate to provide the true answer to the question because it confuses these scholars even more. The true answer to their specific question is, “Yes, my sister has twin girls.” However, when I provide that answer they immediately assume that I am the responsible party…because, well you can pass on twins like blue eyes, right? Well, no, jackass, that would be a completely wrong conclusion and apparently you suffer from dwarfism of the brain. So, I have to immediately follow this up with, “but that has nothing to do with it, the woman either releases two eggs or the egg splits, neither of which I have any part of.”

Even funnier is that after I state this, I am met with skepticism and doubt. In fact, sometimes I think people think, a) I am lying, or b) I am wrong.

Next time this happens, I plan to roll out this little example: Imagine in the empty lot next door to your home they are building a duplex. One day, the lumber company shows up with a truck of two by fours. You walk over to the driver of the truck and say, “excuse me, do you build many duplexes?” If he was a kind person (and let’s assume that) he would say, “I just deliver material. One house, two houses – beats me what they do with it. You may want to ask the builder.” Now, apply this example using the male as the driver and the female as the builder.

But maybe I am being too harsh. I can accept that some people may not understand this, or even that most people do not understand this. But what I can’t understand is that when I explain this fairly simple concept, people have the look on their faces like they have handed the map of the human genome. They seem to wonder how this magical fact could have possibly escaped them. Just say “thanks” and move on.

So, maybe this helps you with the above poll – I am definitely a more handsome Brad Pitt. I would “LOL” this but the boys (the same ones that I had nothing to do with regarding the fact that they are twins) have told me that, like Miami Vice, LOL has gone out of style.