Reporting, Recording and Relaying - But Always Telling It As I See It

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

(Not So) Great Advice For Calming an Angry Woman

The following advice is not only foolhardy and useless, it is possibly inflammatory – dare I say incendiary? According to “Ask Men’s Health”, one way to calm an angry woman is with phrases like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really irritated” or “You seem to be feeling misunderstood.” What kind of jackass would say this to a pissed off woman? I asked a woman I work with how she would feel if a guy said to her, “It sounds like you are feeling really irritated.” She said, “I would say ‘you haven’t seen irritated you f***er!’”

The entire paragraph, in fact, is as uninformed as someone who thinks the best way to find a surgeon is on Craigslist. Let me highlight the errors:

• “You want to be as open and non-defensive as possible.” Wrong. You physically want to protect yourself at all times. Cowering is advisable.

• “Your body needs to say, ‘I’m on your side.’” Her view is that you could not be further from on her side.  She will never buy this bullshit.

• “Interject only when there is a natural pause in her speech.” First there will be no pause in her speech (and “speech” is a term used very loosely). Secondly, “interject” is interpreted as “You haven’t listened to a thing I have said!”

• “Once things blow over don’t broach the topic unless she does first.” HA! Don’t broach the topic again, ever!

• “If you have a lingering thought or question, let a day or so pass before reopening the conversation.” If you have a lingering thought or question, bury it deep within your soul along with your ego.

So, Steve, from Grand Forks, North Dakota, I would have answered your query differently had you asked me, instead of Men’s Health, what is the best way to calm an angry woman. I would have said; “Steve, you obviously have never dated. There is no way to calm an angry woman. You should sit there and shut up. Do not try to rationalize or plead your case. When it appears it is over, say you are sorry for whatever it is you are accused of (guilt is irrelevant, just apologize.) Never, ever bring it up again. “

But he didn’t ask. Just like Damien from Glendale AZ, didn’t ask me how to avoid gaining weight during the holidays. I wouldn’t have given the advice of “you need a pre-nuptial agreement with your food.” I would have said not to eat so much.

Keep your mouth shut and don’t eat so much may be words we can all live by.


Kristine said...

Funny post! Also included should be how it's important to actually LOOK and LISTEN as your loved one is venting!

Dave Meyer said...

You mean, you should look and APPEAR to be listening?

Anonymous said...

And then say "You're right", "I was wrong", pour the glass of wine and everything will be least for the rest of the evening