Contest Winner With Expert Commentary By The Author

Let’s get through a couple of the bullshit entries first.


“Anonymous” tried to get up in my grill with the Coldplay reference. I am having the NSA track your ISP right now so I suggest you get all Roman Polanski (less the ill-advised trip to Switzerland) right now. Dead last.

Another “anonymous” said basically I was asking an impossible question and somehow she (cause I know who you are) is bent on driveling on instead of firing the synapses. That’s OK, but definitely no winner.

Now…in no random order;

Two entries on the Beatles…an obvious choice, almost like saying, “Name your favorite weather!” Let me guess; sunny. While I do not question Joe and Mr. Baby on their dedication, I often wonder if many people are as enthralled with the Beatles as they say they are. I can vouch for Mr. baby since we used to lip-synch to those boys in my basement when we were kids…specifically to the album of greatest hits, 1967-70 where the Fab 4 are leaning over that balcony. I also think they are like a reverse super group; when they split up, they made some of their best music. Like Elton John said (actually Bernie Taupin said) in Empty Garden, his sad and great tune about Lennon, “Some say he farmed his best in younger years, but he'd have said that roots grow stronger if only he could hear.” For proof of this, check out George Harrison’s solo material. If John and Paul weren’t such ego-maniacs, they would have realized the most melodic Beatle should not have been relegated to back-up singer.

An interesting entry on Milli Vanilli. They have two things going for them that I love; 1) they had their Grammy taken away, which is a cool rock move, and 2) Pilatus OD’d, an even cooler rock move. Little did he know, his name would live on as an exercise routine at gyms across the country.

I will get this Donny Osmond thing out of the way now. I can see how he gripped young girls in the 70’s, some even buying pillow cases with his likeness on it. And I do give him credit for re-working (and banking) himself all these years later. The SOB has held up well and has some pipes. So, while the Osmond entry gets an “A” for effort, and even without holding the Mormon thing against him, I’m not sure he will get the nod.

Kris’ entry tried to encompass every singer/songwriter/acoustic guitar players from the 60’s and 70’s, then dumps Steve Perry in. Listen to the real Journey with Gregg Rolie. Before starting Journey he played with Santana and was at Woodstock. When you get your hands around this pre-Don’t Stop Believing stuff, you will wonder if you are listening to the same band, then realize you were listening to the wrong one.

Jeff Beck. I haven’t agreed with Sean since Mr. Quinn’s English class, and had we done this back then, his entry would have gotten him and A. Any discussion of the top 3 or 4 rock guitarists of all time that does not include Beck is probably being had by the same people who think The Who have a song called Teenage Wasteland…if this confuses you, go here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baba_O'Riley

The King Of Pop…Michael, may he rest in peace and may someone remember to feed the llamas. Chuck Klosterman said that just because Phil Spector killed someone doesn’t mean that he wasn’t a great producer, which he was. So, we are left with the enigma that is MJ. A great, and I mean great, pop music icon. If you say you didn’t listen to something off of, or all of, Thriller or Off The Wall, you are lying like when Clinton said “I did not have sex with that woman,” when what he should have said was “I did not have vaginal penetration with my penis sex with that woman. Now, can you please define is?” The problem is of course, we get all that funky, post-“I’m cool enough to have Eddie Van Halen to play on Beat It” scene and then the Jesus Juice and snuggling in bed with Macaulay Culkin action. But, if you can get past that, you have a significant force in not only pop music, but pop culture (come on, you know you have tried to moon walk.)

Anyway, I am going to render my subjective judgment. Winner: Beck (plus he makes a good beer.) Sean, I will be contacting you for your swank Vegas address, and of course will be waiting for my Cheetah’s comp lap dance certificate like you promised.

Feel free to leave me your “you don’t know WTF you are talking about” comments below. But keep in mind; I am the musical genius among you, so take caution in your tone.