Wordsmithing Does Not Effective Communication Make

I opened an email at work today.  Actually it was forwarded to me by a customer, she wanted me to read comments a consultant had sent her.  This "consultant" opened with this line..."The attached letter is predicated on a condition that is not otherwise verified."  It reminds me of when I hear a really good joke and I can't wait to find someone to tell it to.  I feel, in my heart of hearts, this consultant heard this line once, was baffled by it, but became determined to use it again.

I can imagine his delight when he had this vexing dilemma in front of him (turns out what he was looking for was detail MISC-009, which I found and forwarded in minutes) and thought "Egads!  I have the perfect place for this line I have been storing in my brain like nuts in a squirrel's cheek!"  He dumped it in the opening, maybe trying to impress young Melissa (who can be quite testy in emails, but very nice on the phone.  I chalk this up to the fact that her emails are CC'd to about 326 people in order to show her bosses and her boss's bosses all the way up until I think the last is obama@whitehouse.gov that she is "all over it" or something.

Maybe this was clever wordsmithing, but it annoyed me.  I mean a great opneing is "We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold."  And to think Hunter Thompson only got started with that line.

(author's note:  The above email is probably not BO's and I apologize to the NSA if this causes any problems.  The photo is a collection of stuff Hunter Thompson sent me in response to a letter I wrote him.)