Because Sometimes It Does Suck

In lieu of pointing out some peculiarities I have noticed at the grocery store (you can get almonds sliced into tiny slivers but “pre-sliced” bagels are only sliced about 80% of the way through) I have decided to wade into the deeper waters of national security. I have tried to stay out of this territory the way Dick Cheney’s hunting partners stay out of buckshot range, but I am really quite the current affairs junky so I thought I would weigh in…political ramifications be damned.

On Christmas day we had the underwear bomber. Now first, someone deserves credit for actually convincing anyone into thinking the idea of putting explosives around your genitals would be an ideal way of meeting seventy-two virgins. I mean, a sorority party at BYU seems a respectable alternative. In light of shoe bomber Richard Reid and our knee jerk reaction to that, it seems only reasonable that the next logical step will be requiring us to remove our underwear before passing through security. If this indeed becomes reality, I will be scanning Monster.com for TSA positions. However, I doubt this. What I don’t doubt though, is continued ineptitude at our so-called security measures.

What most people think, but very few will say, is that it is obvious that we need to stop looking for things and start looking for people*. My underwear and shoes are of no threat to this country…although forgotten in my gym bag for a few days after Friday basketball may lead you to think otherwise.

If acts of terror were committed by blonde, very handsome 40 year olds with a taste for nachos and weekend naps, I would fully expect to undergo a little extra scrutiny at check-in. And you know what? It would suck…but sometimes things just do. But look at the bright side, at least you could wear your leopard print lace panties without fear of your body scan showing up on Google image search.

(*I read this somewhere and really liked it. I have no source, but am only stating it is not mine…though I wish it was. File under “where the morals meet the road.”)