Tradition holds that the first recognized Thanksgiving in what would become the United States occurred in the fall of 1621. According to pilgrimhall.org, the surviving fifty –three pilgrims and some ninety Indians gathered for three days and partook of a grand feast. Soon thereafter, Indians were slaughtered and subjugated by the thousands. RSVP to your dinner invitations wisely.
When I was in grade school, we always celebrated Thanksgiving with copious artwork usually involving construction paper, scissors with rounded points and glue. But mostly, we were supposed to be “thankful.” The pilgrims, we were told, celebrated Thanksgiving because they were grateful for a bountiful harvest. I’m thinking they were thankful to be alive and that the Indians they had pillaged during their first winter were not using their women as a pre-cursor schematic to the Thai sex trade.
But in order to uphold that great American tradition (no, not being a victim and looking for a handout) of Thanksgiving, here is my brief list of what I am thankful for this season:
1. John McCain. Without him, the world would never have been deluged with the Palin’s. But without them, Brandy would still be on Dancing with the Stars. (I never tire of Sarah say, “flippin’” and “getcha.”)
2. Jersey Shore, Swamp People and any other reality show that stars English speaking people but still requires subtitles.
3. Elections - because we now have a whole new group of incompetents to castrate.
4. The Chilean Miners for their faith and strength. Had that been me, I would have been having a miner buffet while carving passages from the book of Revelation into my chest.
As you sit down to your turkey this Thursday and before you fall asleep on the couch, I hope you remember the things that are blessings in your life. Yeah, sometimes it really sucks – but mostly it doesn’t. If you can get up to go to the bathroom without having to take your M4 with you, or if you are spending the day with even one person in whose life you make a difference, you are fortunate my friend. Hope it is safe, healthy and happy.